…i miss my paint

Sometimes I can’t help but see life in black and white. I will climb the mountain and die trying to get to the tippy top. I will decide to give up all together and stay in bed. But, life is full of grey, isn’t it?

I know I need to slow my pace, but that does not mean I have to stop. I don’t want to stop. Ha! I don’t have to go full speed ahead and I don’t have to resign all together?!!!!!!!!!!! LIGHT BULB!

Before Christmas and before “The Fall” I was ragged. Along with my painting jobs and all those kids, I was setting up for this photoshoot hustling from shop to shop, styling, arranging, placing.

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Not to mention a little thing called Christmas. I love this kind of stuff. It makes me super excited and Dear Husband likes to sit back and just watch me go. Like a wind up toy. There is nothing wrong with going fast and getting just about everything done, but you just can’t do it for long. A surge maybe. If you do it for too long the wheels start coming off.

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I’ve been a bit wary of calling my accident a sign from God to slow down. It just sounds a bit too much like shame. And like my psychiatrist (a Christian, mind you) says, “F*ck the shame!”

I am a girl that loves to work in a studio. I love the coldness of it. I love the smell of the garage. I love getting my clothes and fingers messy. I love being alone. I love how the streaks of paint go on smoothly and the piece transforms right before my eyes. I love that my hands are the tools. I love that there is a before and an after and that the after goes on someone’s home to be treasured. I’m kinda addicted to that feeling.

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No, I don’t paint in these colored jeans 🙂

I surveyed my garage today, taking inventory and seeing what jobs I had to complete. It makes me feel better when I’m organized. I’ll see what the doctor tells me and either way I may have to get in there and get a little messy.

PS – Thanks for asking how I am right now. My head is super dizzy and I feel nauseaous 24/7. I have to sit down about every 20 minutes or else I will just fall down. Watching TV hurts so I end up just lying in my bed petting Ollie who has stayed vigil. Going to the neurologist this week. Scapula and rib still killing. Orthopedist next week. Would love prayers. xoxo