I guess it’s been enough time that I can share with you a little phone call that I got last spring. It was from the go-to gal, Heather, at Luckett’s and she was offering me a room in the shop. For those of you that don’t know what Luckett’s is, it is an old house turned into one of the coolest, vintage-hip shops around. My dad used to take me there when I was little to search throughout the rooms for treasure. Everything is vintage and/or antique.
It’s also the location of the Luckett’s Spring Market that I’ve participated in for a few years now.
Well, for vendors there is also a 10 year waiting list to get a room IN the house. I have NOT been on the list for 10 years, maybe 2 or 3, but Heather thought I would be a great fit. I was super flattered, nervous and excited all at the same time. I told her I needed a few days to think about it. She said she was offering it to me before opening it up to any others. WOW!
Rewind 4 years when I was salivating to get into a shop like this. I would have said yes as soon as the words came from her mouth. But, I’ve been learning through therapy to Stop. Take a pause. Take a breath. And that’s what I did. For 3 days. On the third day I called Heather and turned down the room.
It was hard to break my own heart. I cried and moped around and doubted myself for the full 3 days. Then after the call, where Heather said something like, “I like you even more now because you are putting your family first.” I realized I wasn’t disappointing her. I wasn’t hurting anyone. I had made a big-girl decision on my own that factored in ME and MY FAMILY. After the call I honestly have thought little about it. I think that’s what happens when you stay true to yourself.
(Let your true inner flower-child shine, girl.)
Yes, the decision was for my 3 little kids and my husband that I didn’t want roped into my craze of hunting and gathering and setting up every week. But, more than that, I really didn’t want to put it on my own back to carry. I’ve always had this idea that if I worked every second of the day every day doing WHATEVER then I would feel worthy and be worthy. Sitting in a spot and feeling safe is not do-able for me. I’m working on it, but really not easy. As Dear Therapist says, “If it were easy, I’d be doing it.” Even in all the pain I’m in these days, I still do not feel okay staying put.
Last month I met two gals at my Zumba class. They had started their own business and had grown so large that they were selling their product in Whole Foods up and down the East Coast. I was amazed and told them so, and what they said back to me shocked me. They were tired and burnt out and could not sell the company fast enough. They could not be the moms they wanted for sure and more than that they were unhappy with how they were spending their time working like dogs. Huh.
It made me feel pretty proud of the decision I had made. Staying small is actually good. You may not get into Whole Foods or Luckett’s staying small, but instead you could maintain some sense of peace and control in your life & business. I think that’s worth the trade.
After all, how was I going to teach my little chickens how to paint if I wasn’t around?