“What made you pursue a coach in addition to therapy? I think I need one or both to move in the right direction personally and help to take the leap with a side business. Any advice? Thanks. P.S. Saw this post at ‘just the right time’ as I feel like my struggle is taking over my life.” – Annonymous Reader
Thank you, Dear Readers for your honest and transparent responses to my post yesterday about Boomeranging – may I coin the term? Sounds like many of us find ourselves in this boat where we are are afraid to try something new because we may fail. The fear is real and I do not dare diminish it by offering cliches.
Throughout the crests and undulations in our lives we are often faced with crossroads. These may not be major, life -decisions, but rather ones that will determine where we put our time and energy. I am someone that always wants to concerve my energy. I am an introvert and if you are too, you know that our energy is limited. We recharge by being alone and as a busy mom with a business there is not much alone time happening. So, making a choice to move forward on a new project or adventure costs us quite a bit.
Fear is also a HUGE component and can hold us back from moving forward. Who wants to come out into the sunshine and say, “This is me!” “Check me out.” When we listen to our confident, adult voice it can be empowering, but our tiny, child-voice can whisper some real negatives too. It can feel very paralyzing. We have a great, creative idea, we are inspired and excited, we think others may identify and appreciate it – but what would it take? I’m not even talking about finances and all that, I’m talking about the visibility.
What would it take to become vulnerable and visible? Courage. It would take courage. Being visible can mean exposing yourself to other people’s opinions and criticisms. I remember my first year selling at the Luckett’s Spring Market. A women walked into my space, picked up a piece of ironware and said to her friend, “Ugh, that is way over-priced.” I was standing right there, knowing that I had priced the beautiful, antique ironware at $20! An antique pitcher, people! It was way under-priced. I could not help the sneer that came across my face as I eyed her all the way out of my tent.
I don’t think moving on a new project or endeavor happens in a bubble. I think it happens sometimes after years of tip-toing forward and getting our feet just a little wet. Then we step back. We may move towards it again in time. I don’t think we get just one shot at trying something, is what I’m trying to say. Many of you asked about the concept of coaching and this is where it can be helpful. Coaching is an opportunity to have a positive sounding board. Again, it is very, very different than therapy. A coach can help you process your day and offer you a new, postive way of thinking about something. It feels grounded in good boundaries and finding your own truth. A good coach will help you to consider different ways of looking at your experiences.
I would also like to suggest that more than any success that you may render in new, uncharted territory, the exploration of yourself and your limits will be your greatest achievement. It WILL be uncomfortable. It WILL take energy. It WILL push you, but it won’t break you. You can step out and then after a little visit outside of your comfort zone, you can always boomerang back. I’ve done this many times with my decisions for Blue Egg Brown Nest. It helps me to think that nothing is black and white. There are many, many shades of gray and just as in nature, we are meant to move and sway.
Suzanne Manlove says
Christen, Your post yesterday resonated with me as well. So much about running your own business is about pushing outside of your comfort zone and taking risks. I hired a life coach to help me transition from stay at home Mom to Interior Design business woman/Mom. And since then I’ve hired several business coaches to assist with being clear on my goals and encourage me to play in my “growth zone.” Change and growth can be very uncomfortable but I am getting better at it. If we all stay in our comfort zone it gets pretty boring.
Emma McGeorge says
It’s true that a negative comment or just a frowned face can really put you down and you can forget all the positive feedback you had previously and just want to call it a day! But all business is hard and the one’s who make it are the ones who work hard and try new things! You have really inspired me that you can make it and I am very grateful to you! Keep inspiring us☺
Charlotte Grossarth says
Hi Christen and all those interested…..
I enjoy your blog…design…and work. Thank you.
You all have to realize life is full of all kinds of people and full of all kinds of ups and downs. It is thru all those downs that we learn and move on from. If we hide from the downs and only want the feeling of the ups ….we certainly do not grow and more importantly do not set an example to our children. It is important for them to see us make a bad decision or hear a negative remark. It’s even more important for them to see how we handle these things and rebound. Those are huge lessons in life for children.
I have raised 2 grown children…owned and operated a very successful business…worked in NYC for a buying office…did merchandising for other businesses…been a road salesperson for a jewelry and accessory company (talk about rejection in that job). My point of telling you all this is that I too had insecurities…fear…BUT when I talked to myself…pushed myself..regardless of the outcome…I knew my family would be proud even if it didn’t turn out perfect. Let’s not look at perfect. It will be ok. There is a tomorrow to start over or improve on it. AND my feeling of a “Life Coach” is you can’t have someone holding your hand each day of your life. Looking to them to tell you it’s ok. One of the biggest jobs you will have as a mother is letting go of your children. Letting them make a mistake..fall and pick themselves up and start over…or find another way not to fall..and most important to have learned that life lesson.. And as adults that’s our responsibility each day so that our children learn from us. What are we teaching them if we look to that “Life Coach” to cushion our leaps.
Be adventurous …be creative…you can be insecure (it’s ok) fear is ok…these are all normal everyday feeling we all SHOULD have. AND it’s ok that take refuge and solitude in our own homes and lives. That’s how we regroup and regenerate to give us strength to move on.
Christen….it doesn’t have to be perfect..nothing…you are a beautiful..talented and I assume very loving person. I see a lot of this in your work as well. Let go..spin out of control..splash paint on a canvas…jump in a muddy puddle…be free!! You can do it and those posting can do it to. Life is so very short….
I do believe in therapy at times of different turns in our lives. I have gone thru death..illness..serious emotional situations with a child…I needed a therapist to help me reach those deep feelings. I can see a “Life Coach” on occasion to help sort out the plan. But the big plan needs for us to work it out….Not have a net under us each day.
I hope I have not offended anyone….just feel strong about what we need to feel strong about.
It sounds like you all are amazing women…whatever decisions any of you make are great decisions because THEY ARE YOUR DECISIONS…no one else’s.