The last few years I have taken a cue from my Dear Therapist (DT) and taken some time off. When DT does it, there is no explanation or apology. It is what it is. It is like saying I need to breathe or I need to eat my lunch or I need to go to bed now. Sounds simple, right? Well, not for me. Never for me. I am like a child learning when it comes to speaking my truth and needs and because of that sometimes I need to be loud about it because it can be pretty scary when you are not good at it.
Sometimes I feel like I need to get permission from someone to rest. Like it’s a luxury and one that I do not deserve. Hmmm. Some part of me knows that’s not true. I look around and see others doing it, why would it not be okay for me? I take timid steps and try and get questioned & pushed. Some old memory wants to make me small and overcome me. I push and push and push back. I fight for a better, healthier life. I fight, fight, fight and work, work, work to feel better. It is work. I notice that there are some Others around me that feel okay standing still and getting pushed. Then there are some Others that are the pushers. And more Others that know how to stay in their own skin. I want to be one of these. I want to stand where I put myself. Where God wants me to stand still and strong. I’m tired of being pushed.
All that to say I am taking a little summer break. I will be back and I may be back here and there because I love my work and I love you, Dear Readers. You let me be me and there is such freedom in that. Thank you.
I know some of you are also working hard at not being pushed. You are doing amazing work. It is hard, but we will feel better every time we can place a boundary and say “Here I am.” and “I like this just because.” and “No, I don’t want to go.” We exercise this muscle and we push back by just being Us. It’s You and Me being bigger and a bit louder.
Wishing you peace and rest this summer. With loads of love, Me.