I love when my tea speaks to me. Yogi teas have little messages that speak to relaxation and self-care and as silly as it sounds I actually do draw good reminders and insight from them.
I would say that 5 out of 7 days of the week I wake up nervous. I scan the house and my day with anticipation until I am able to calm myself a bit and convince myself that I will be okay today. I know it is a backwards way of being, but anxiety is one of the crosses that I bare in this life. It is a constant battle.
Sometimes I fight against the vivid dreams I have or devastating thoughts that make my hands shake. In these moments I want nothing more than to lock the doors and hide under the covers until the sun goes down again. This reaction is not do-able because of the three children I have downstairs in the chaos of the kitchen. Their laughter is a relief and pulls me out of my head for a time.
This is the first year that they are all in school all day. Some days this is heaven-sent and other days I am filled with tremors. I am full of fight and battle against this giant. Most days I succeed due to good friends, an amazing husband, special children and a host of projects. In the wintertime, however, it is much harder. It’s hard to fight when I am so cold and the trees are so bare that even their dry branches reaching to the sky look sad.
If mental happiness equals relaxation then is relaxation also equal mental happiness? This is what I really want to know. I understand that the body gives signals to the brain before we even know what is going on so I would say, yes. This idea gives me hope. Today I will go to yoga and prepare for a stretch and relaxation. Mnetal happiness is not permanent for me, but if I plan relaxation I may feel relief. Let me try. If it doesn’t work I always have chocolate.